Most GenX and millennial Americans don’t know how to read a map. So, how could they POSSIBLY survive a worldwide nuclear war?! BlazeTV Media Critic Rob Eno joins Glenn with simple tips for the most clueless among us — from learning how to use a compass to buying a ‘bug out bag.’ Sure, Eno is no doctor and his equipment is so tiny it probably barely works…but AT LEAST he can read a map!

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: So there is a -- the Washington Post wrote a story, why we obsess over the details of a nuclear apocalypse. I don't -- I mean, I don't think we need a story on that. I think being vaporized is probably why we obsess over it. And I don't know about anybody else.

But I haven't obsessed over it, since I was a kid. You know, now, to not have to worry about it, for 30, 40 years. And then suddenly, like, hey, by the way, they might use nukes. That's kind of a problem, seeing that it's the old phone, that actually has all those old nukes, and some new ones too.

Kind of a bad thing. So we were talking about it in the office. And Rob Ino, who was our Blaze TV media critic, started talking to us about the things we have to do.

And so I thought I would bring him in today. I didn't realize he would bring in a HazMat suit, but you're looking good, Rob.

ROB: Well, thank you.

I'll take off the mask. You're one of the only persons who can get me to wear the mask. The mask, of course, is, I don't know if you saw. But the Department of Homeland Security said that after the nuclear blast hits. And after you've used your school vest.

GLENN: Yeah. That you have to get under.

ROB: To get under, to protect yourself.

GLENN: Which when I was about six, I knew that was ridiculous. We saw the film of how everything is vaporized.

ROB: But the turtle.

GLENN: Then they said with the turtle, get under the desk. And I remember probably being six, saying, this will not protect me from what I just saw.

STU: I will say too. I'm happy you took the mask off. I don't picture you that way. I also say, any white guy, wearing a hood. Not a --

PAT: Not -- so it's all good.

I was doing my Clayton Bigsby impersonation.

GLENN: Okay.

ROB: So they said you're supposed to -- and then you're supposed to wash your clothes. Wash yourself.

And then apparently, after you get the radiation off, you're supposed to go -- remember fallout shelters?

My grammar school had a fallout shelter with the number of people that could be in the building. Like, this used to be something, I think our millennial, and Gen Z listeners don't listen to this.

GLENN: My senior essay, in high school, for the American class or whatever it was, was on our fallout shelter. Because one end of it, ended in ventilation, right outside.

Like, that's really not how it's supposed to work. But anyway.

ROB: So then, to protect everybody in there, you're supposed to do the 6-foot distancing and wear a mask, so they don't get covid. We've had a nuclear bomb, but that's what we're supposed to do.

GLENN: Yeah. Yeah.

ROB: But there's some other -- this is obviously joking. There are some other things that people will do.

I don't know if you saw the study a couple weeks ago. But a vast majority of millennials and Gen Z's couldn't use a paper map to save their life.

GLENN: I think this is a real problem.

ROB: Right.

GLENN: Things go down. GPS for any reason. GPS goes down. No one knows how to get anywhere. And it's heavily hackable, the GPS system. The GPS system. Not the map. The GPS system is heavily hackable. And the Russians said, they have direct energy weapons, that they tested on a satellite, and shot it down. To tell us that if we do something to them, they'll take out our GPS system first.

So all the millennials, they have the phone. And they think -- and Gen Zers. They think they will go someplace. Get yourself a map.

I don't know if you know one of my hobbies, is I'm trying to drive to every county in the United States. And I'm in about 70 percent of them.

GLENN: You're not married, are you?

ROB: I'm not. Which makes it easy.

GLENN: There's a few tip-offs.

STU: There's a chicken and an egg situation going on there. As well.

ROB: I have the big -- that I buy every -- every month. I just figured I would bring in the small ones.

GLENN: I have to tell you, we got rid of ours. When Tania and I met 20 years ago, she used to be the navigator. And she would read the map, and I would drive. And we were so excited when GPS came out, because it would end the arguments. No. You missed the turn.

I told you, it was right there. All that stuff, went away. But we can read maps.

My kids don't even know anything about them.

ROB: Right. And you need to learn how to read a map.

Get yourself a compass.

I know that it will flip, when the magnetic flips. I know that's -- you've been wondering about that, since you were a kid.

So get yourself a map. Just know where the declination is for the magnetic north. And use a map. So that's one thing. The other thing, I bought iodine this week. I don't know if you remember. It's a little much. I might have bought it for the bit.

GLENN: Yeah, it's a little much. Okay. All right. You know, in Europe, that -- I think they sold out of iodine.

ROB: Right.

GLENN: Because they're right there.

ROB: And what iodine does, is apparently the radioactive iodine will go into your thyroid. So if you have regular iodine in your thyroid. Then the radioactive iodine can't go in.
And that saves your system. That's the science --

GLENN: Do you take a swig of it?

ROB: I don't know. I'm not Dr. Rob.

GLENN: Well, if we have -- that might be -- that might be something you look up to. Because along with the map, you may not have internet. Just saying.

ROB: Right. Yeah. Print these things out to have them. Then you should have a bugout bag. Maybe not this one.

GLENN: This is the smallest bugout --

ROB: This is basically for a smurf.

GLENN: Yes, it is.

ROB: I went online, and I went to Amazon, and I bought a bugout bag. And I looked at the bugout bag, and it said it has 242 pieces in it. So I would assume it would be somewhat big.

GLENN: Because it looks like a backpack. A backpack, but a very, very small backpack.

ROB: But it has stuff you can use. You know, it's got a shovel. If you were a smurf, who needed to dig a latrine pit. There's a small shovel.

GLENN: Like a garden hoe.

ROB: I've been getting a bigger kit.

GLENN: I'm just saying. I mean, unless you're -- like I come from big phone people.

That's what everybody fat in my family used to say. We're big-boned people.

No, we're not. We're fat. This is for very small-boned people.

ROB: So this is why I thought it was going to be big. It said it came with an axe. So this is the axe.

GLENN: Is that a dandelion axe?

ROB: Yeah, I think you can cut down some dandelions with. That's the size.

STU: The size of two fingers, by the way, the actual blade of the axe.

ROB: Yeah. There are things that you can use.

GLENN: Those are very good.

ROB: It's very good to have them in the car.

I actually will go into my car.

STU: This is if you're caging any illegal immigrants. You're allowed to put the space blankets out.

ROB: Or if your car gets out. Maybe it protects radiation.

I don't know. I can't say it does.

GLENN: Might want to look that up too, before the internet goes.

ROB: But you have these types of things.

GLENN: So this is how I know who is really prepared. Do you have food storage?

ROB: I do.

GLENN: You do. How long?

ROB: Eh, about 30 days. Not a lot.

GLENN: Okay. Well, that's better than most. Okay. Do you have a go bag in your car or anything else?

ROB: This was the start of it.

GLENN: It's a good start.

ROB: Yeah, it's a good start.

GLENN: Do you have a surgical kit, this is where it separates the men and the boys.

ROB: This actually has string.

Not a full surgical kit. I can fish.

GLENN: Yeah. You know what is crazy --

STU: A string.

GLENN: A string. You have a broken leg. Give me that string!
(laughter)

ROB: But that brings up. We're all at an age, where we were probably Boy Scouts, for a certain period. That was part of what we did.

And I couldn't find it, I moved like three times in the past four years. I couldn't find -- I have a 1972 Boy Scout field book, which is fantastic. Not the handbook. It's a field book. And it's a survival manual. It teaches you. You know, the other things like how to lash --

GLENN: I don't even know. Somebody say to me. Stu, you have to be like me. Hey, take advantage on the lashing, will you?

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: What is that?

Ten lashes. Bing, bing.

ROB: It's how to structure with wood in small trees. You take the things. Like the Boy Scouts taught you how to build that.

GLENN: Yeah. I don't want to live in that world.

You know what is crazy? You know, I have the -- I was so proud. I got the surgical kit. And it has everything.

I mean, you can remove an appendix or whatever, you know. Have it. Brought it home. Got the book. How to remove the appendix and things like that.

STU: I'm not coming to your house. Just so we know.

GLENN: Yeah. Tania said, honey, who is going to do the surgery?

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: Because I ain't doing it on you. And I certainly don't want you doing it on me.

And I'm like, well, I mean, but if we have to. She's like, let me die. Let my appendix burst.

I don't want you with your grubby hands, in my internal organs. I think this is the appendix.

STU: Why is there Cheeto dust in there? I don't understand.

GLENN: She died from the Cheeto infection.
(laughter)

STU: I don't know. I think this is -- I feel like buying a surgical kit is like how the series Dexter starts. It doesn't end well.

GLENN: Now the problem is, is I have all this stuff.

If we're in an emergency, and somebody is like, I have to have my appendix out, I would have no idea, where it is.

All right. Kids. Everyone in the garage, start going through those boxes.

I know we have one someplace.

STU: This happened in the documentary, Spies Like Us, where they had to improvise an appendix removal. They weren't able to do that either.

GLENN: Right. Well, I figure the first person will die of appendicitis. The second person will at least have the set, will know where it is. Because that can't happen again.

Let's make sure we all remember where the set is. Then that person will die, because we have no idea what we're doing.

STU: Right.

GLENN: The third person will also die because the person who had just a little bit of experience will be in so much trauma, they won't be able to do it.

STU: Right. But by like person 85. There's a good chance, you will survive.

GLENN: Exactly right.

Rod, thank you so much for coming in.

Now you feel prepared, right?

Now you feel prepared.