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Get 'em before they're gone!: Your handy 2019 progressive gift guide

September 03, 2019
Wikemedia Commons
Nathan Nipper

It's never too early to start your Christmas, Hanukah, or Kwanzaa shopping. Or even birthday gift shopping. Especially if that special someone in your life is a Democrat. Because at last count, pretty much all the Democrats are now running for president. And that means there has never been a wider selection of official candidate merchandise to choose from. Whether you're into environmentalism, feminism, classism, socialism, or just plain love, there is a smorgasbord of classy items that you and yours will treasure forever... or at least until the next presidential election.

We have browsed each of the candidates' online stores, so you don't have to (it only took us three months). We have curated only the finest items from each of the Democrats running for president of the United States of America. Without further ado, here is your handy progressive gift guide – or maybe your what-not-to-gift guide.

First, the bargain basement options. Hurry! Time is running out to grab your Beto bandana, or your Delaney pack of golf balls, because at this point Stu has as much of a chance as these guys of getting the nomination.

Tom Steyer, for example – is he still in the race?


https://shop.tomsteyer.com/collections/frontpage/products/tom-2020-pattern-tee


There's way too much Tom here. That shirt's got more Toms than a Caucasian dentists' convention.

For the slightly more moderate Democrat in your life, perhaps they'd like to join the "Yang Gang"…

https://shop.yang2020.com/collections/bumper-stickers/products/yanggang-decal


Andrew Yang is a lock for Math Club president…


https://shop.yang2020.com/collections/apparel/products/math-hat


But for actual president? Well, I wouldn't make plans for how you're going to spend your $1,000-per-month Yang allowance just yet.

If you happen to be shopping for your dog, may I suggest this lovely "Dogs for Delaney" dog collar…


https://store.johndelaney.com/products/dogs-for-delaney-collar


John Delaney's definitely going to secure the canine vote with this kind of outreach. As for any human votes, that's another question entirely.

How 'bout this tastefully understated "Natural Canvas" Michael Bennet tote to remind you he's also still here?...


https://store.michaelbennet.com/michael-bennet-for-america-natural-canvas-tote/


Then again, it's a tote. So, it'll end up on the floor of your closet and you won't have it with you until that one random moment when you're out somewhere and you really need a tote bag. Just like Democrats will really wish they had a moderate when we're in the middle of the socialist nightmare of their creation.

Captain Planet himself, Jay Inslee recently dropped out of the race, but don't let that stop you from picking up what may be the greatest single item sold by anyone in this race…


https://store.jayinslee.com/elvis-the-elves-the-mystery-of-the-melting-snow-by-jay-inslee/


A children's book called Elvis & the Elves: the Mystery of the Melting Snow. Written and illustrated by Governor Jay Inslee. Talk about a whodunnit – how could that snow possibly be melting? Spoiler alert: it's because of evil, white, patriarchal capitalism. And Donald Trump.

Then there's the candidate who thinks you're a moron that can't pronounce his last name: Steve Bullock...


https://shop.stevebullock.com/collections/apparel/products/emoji-t-shirt


Get it? Bull. Lock. Oh, so that's how you say the name that sounds exactly how it's spelled.

There's another candidate who also thinks you need help pronouncing his last name…


https://store.peteforamerica.com/collections/apparel/products/boot-edge-edge-t-shirt


And he is definitely right about that. So, thank you, Pete "Boot Edge Edge." That helps.

Just outside the bargain bin section, but just barely, are candidates like Julian Castro and his "El Presidente" t-shirt…


https://store.julianforthefuture.com/julian-castro-loteria-card-white-tee/


When your last name's Castro, do you really want to go with a weird drawing of yourself as if you're a classic Latin American dictator on a postage stamp?

If you prefer a little "dark psychic forces" battling in your candidates, you'll love Marianne Williamson's "Turn Love Into a Political Force" rally sign…


https://store.marianne2020.com/collections/signs/products/love-rally-sign


"Turn Love Into a Political Force" would be an even better title for a Marianne Williamson album of 80s cover songs. And if you think I'm joking, then you haven't heard Bernie Sanders' classic 1987 folk album, We Shall Overcome. That's not a joke. Well, it is a joke, but it's also a very real thing.

Now, just a quick pause to consider the peculiar baby-wear that way too many candidates are selling…

…including Elizabeth Warren's trans-pride flag onesie. Let me get this straight – we can't force any gender on a child, because that's just cruel. But we can force a political advertisement on a baby? How do we know that baby is actually a Biden or Warren fan? The child may not even be a Democrat or a Socialist at all. That baby might self-identify as a Libertarian, or Republican, or even worse – a moderate Democrat.

Now to the premium items from the premium candidates. Elizabeth Warren – the candidate with the most honesty in her advertising…


https://shop.elizabethwarren.com/collections/apparel/products/impolite-arrogant-women-make-history-unisex-t-shirt

-AND-

https://shop.elizabethwarren.com/collections/drinkware/products/strong-american-unions-mug


Warren's merchandise reflects the woman herself – cold and humorless (watch her "This isn't funny" clip from the last debate here at the 4:27 mark). I'm sure she's really fun once you get to know her. Then again, maybe not.

Speaking of serious women, Kamala Harris wants to be president very badly for you, the people, as you can tell from her "For the People" poster…


https://store.kamalaharris.org/poster-for-the-people/


At $29.99 though, she's sure not charging "people's" prices. Of course, she might be having to pay royalties to a certain someone for riffing on their poster. Just saying.

For the race's number one socialist, there's a whole lot of capitalism going on in Bernie Sanders' campaign. He sells so many delightful items that it's hard to choose. But we did anyway. The most random item is this hundred-dollar, black, "Art of a Political Revolution – Artists for Bernie Sanders Coaches Jacket"…


https://store.berniesanders.com/collections/apparel/products/artists-for-bernie-coaches-jacket


Coaches across the land will be clamoring for this one. You know, since coaches are such a strong Bernie-socialist demographic.

If that's a little over your budget you might consider a "Feel the Bern" fanny pack, to help store all those government freebies you'll get from Bernie…


https://store.berniesanders.com/collections/apparel/products/feel-the-bern-fanny-pack


This is the only context in which you'll ever want to hear "feel the burn" and "fanny" in the same sentence.

And finally, from front-runner Joe Biden, we have this fine "Women's Fitted Biden Polo." Which is just about the best polo description ever…


https://store.joebiden.com/collections/apparel/products/biden-polo-womens-fit


It promises the kind of snug approach that Biden loves to provide women. Even when they don't ask.

GLENN

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CEO Brian Thompson's killer reveals COWARDICE of the far-left death cult

Jeff Swensen / Stringer | Getty Images

Early on the chilly morning of Wednesday, December 4th, Brian Thompson, CEO of health insurance giant, UnitedHealthcare, was walking through Midtown Manhattan on his way to a company conference. Suddenly, a masked and hooded figure silently allegedly stepped onto the sidewalk behind Thompson, drew a 3-D printed, silenced pistol, and without warning fired multiple shots into Thompson's back before fleeing the scene on an electric bicycle. After a multiple-day manhunt, a 26-year-old lead suspect was arrested at a McDonald's in Altoona, Pennsylvania after being recognized by an employee.

This was not "vigilante justice." This was cold-blooded murder.

As horrific as the murder of a husband and father in broad daylight in the center of New York City is, the story only gets worse. Even before the murder suspect was arrested, left-wing extremists were already taking to X to call him a "hero" and a "vigilante" who "took matters into his own hands." Even the mainstream media joined in on the glorification, as Glenn pointed out on air recently, going out of the way to show how physically attractive the murder suspect was. This wave of revolting and nihilistic fanfare came in response to the findings of online investigators who surmised the murder suspect's motives to retaliate against healthcare companies for corruption and denied coverage. The murder suspect supposedly underwent a major back surgery that left him with back pain, and some of his internet fans apparently viewed his murder of Thompson as retribution for the mistreatment that he and many other Americans have suffered from healthcare companies.

The murder suspect and his lackeys don't seem to understand that, other than depriving two children of their father right before Christmas, he accomplished nothing.

The murder suspect failed to achieve his goal because he was too cowardly to try.

If the murder suspect's goals were truly to "right the wrongs" of the U.S. healthcare system, he had every tool available to him to do so in a constructive and meaningful manner. He came from a wealthy and prominent family in the Baltimore area, became the valedictorian at a prestigious all-boys prep school, and graduated from the University of Pennsylvania with a master's in engineering. Clearly, the murder suspect was intelligent and capable, and if he had put his talent into creating solutions for the healthcare industry, who knows what he could have accomplished?

This is the kind of behavior the far-left idolizes, like communists on college campuses who wear shirts that celebrate the brutal Cuban warlord, Che Guevara. Merchandise celebrating the UnitedHealthcare CEO murder suspect is already available, including shirts, hoodies, mugs, and even Christmas ornaments. Will they be sporting his face on their T-shirts too?

This macabre behavior does not breed creation, achievement, success, or life. It only brings death and risks more Americans falling into this dangerous paradigm. But we still have a chance to choose life. We just have to wake up and take it.

Is Trump repealing the 14th Amendment? Here's the truth.

NBC / Contributor | Getty Images

Did Trump really promise to put an end to the 14th Amendment, or is this just another mainstream spin?

This past weekend, President-elect Donald Trump sat down on NBC's "Meet the Press" for his first interview since the election. As one might expect, it was a particularly hostile interview, but Trump handled it with grace. The biggest takeaway from the interview was when the interviewer, Kristen Welker, pressed Trump on his immigration plans, specifically his plans to end birthright citizenship.

Despite Walker's claim that the 14th Amendment protected birthright citizenship, Trump defended his stance with the backing of legal scholars, who argue that birthright citizenship has to be granted within the proper "jurisdictional scope." As Glenn reiterated on his show this week, the 14th Amendment was enacted in the context of slavery "not illegal immigration. The 14th Amendment doesn't say, "Come over here, get into a hospital, have a baby, and congratulations, everybody is a citizen."

The media still pushed the narrative that Trump is trying to overstep the 14th Amendment.

But what is the truth? What is birthright citizenship, and what does the 14th Amendment actually say about it? Here is everything you need to know about the "birthright citizenship debacle" below:

The media outrage

NBC / Contributor | Getty Images

If you have glanced through any mainstream media articles, they would convince you that Trump will repeal the 14th Amendment altogether and catapult the country back 200 years before slavery was abolished when Congress passed the Constitutional Amendment. But how do these accusations stack up to reality?

What the 14th amendment actually says

NBC / Contributor | Getty Images

To get to the bottom of this, we have to understand what the 14th Amendment actually says and the context in which it was created.

During Trump's NBC interview, Welker "quoted" the 14th Amendment as "all persons born in the United States are citizens," but anyone who took a government class in high school can tell you that is wrong. The actual14th Amendment says:

"All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside."

Notice that Welker conveniently left out "subject to the jurisdiction thereof." This was no simple oversight.

First, let's define what birthright citizenship actually is and how it relates to the 14th Amendment. Birthright citizenship is an interpretation of the previously quoted section of the 14th Amendment: that by simply being born on U.S. soil, you are automatically granted U.S. citizenship. This has been the historic interpretation of the amendment. However, the border crisis has been incentivized by an abuse of birthright citizenship, which is colloquially called "anchor babies." This refers to when a pregnant woman crosses the border, gives birth, and is granted residency since her child is automatically given U.S. citizenship.

However, Trump says the clause "subject to the jurisdiction thereof" could enable the federal government to crack down on this abuse of birthright citizenship. If a person is here illegally, then they are not under the jurisdiction of the U.S., and therefore, their child would not be given automatic citizenship. This would not apply to legal immigrants who have secured citizenship, despite any claims to the contrary.

What Trump actually said

NBC / Contributor | Getty Images

When questioned about the constitutionality of ending birthright citizenship and the possibility of using executive orders to get around the 14th Amendment, Trump's first suggestion was to pose a potential amendment to the 14th Amendment as a national vote. When Welker pushed back, Trump stressed the importance of ending birthright citizenship and conceded that, if necessary, he would use an executive order.

As usual, the mainstream media has spun a mountain out of a molehill and blown the entire issue out of proportion. They have spun Trump's reasonable and legal proposition into a dictatorial decree that would send the country back 200 years.

Glenn's ULTIMATE Trump cabinet tracker

Anna Moneymaker / Staff | Getty Images

The Trump transition team is working overtime preparing to hit the ground running in January.

The President-elect has been busy hand-picking the members that will make up his cabinet, as these are the people who will be his closest advisors and most powerful bureaucrats during the next four years. Glenn recently got a panel together to discuss Trump's picks, and one thing was clear: Trump has some serious star power on his side. But unfortunately, becoming a member of the presidential cabinet is not as simple as being picked by the POTUS. The Senate still needs to sign off on every pick.

To keep track of this chaotic confirmation process, we have created the ULTIMATE confirmation tracker for the 15 positions in Trump's cabinet. So make sure to check back regularly to keep updated on the latest developments in Trump's inner circle:

Secretary of Agriculture

Tom Williams / Contributor | Getty Images

Trump's pick for Secretary of Agriculture is Brooke Rollins, a former White House aide and Texas A&M graduate. If confirmed, Rollins would lead the Department of Agriculture, which is tasked with serving the needs of America's farmers and ranchers, promoting agricultural trade, and protecting forests and other natural resources.

Rollins served as Trump's director of the Domestic Policy Council during his first term and has received much praise from the president-elect. Rollins says she can tackle the many issues plaguing the agricultural sector, touting her small-town, Texas agriculture roots.

Secretary of Commerce

ANGELA WEISS / Contributor | Getty Images


Trump tapped Howard Lutnick, the CEO of Cantor Fitzgerald as his pick for Secretary of Commerce, which would head the Department of Commerce responsible for aiding the creation of economic growth and opportunity conditions. Lutnick narrowly beat Linda McMahon and Robert Lighthizer, the other likely candidates for the job. Lutnick, who has served as the co-chair of Trump’s presidential transition team since August, will be responsible for spearheading Trump's tariff agenda, which has drummed up much hype and speculation over the last several weeks.

Secretary of Defense

John Lamparski / Contributor | Getty Images

Pete Hegseth's nomination to head the Department of Defense Army has caused a flurry among Pentagon officials and Congressmembers alike. A former National Guard major and Fox News host, Hegseth has drawn praise from some on the right over his plans to "de-wokeify" the military. Others question if he has the command experience to take charge of the world's most powerful military. These concerns, along with allegations relating to his personal life, leave many questioning whether Hegsteh has enough support to be confirmed.

Secretary of Education

Bloomberg / Contributor | Getty Images

Trump named Linda McMahon, the co-chair of his transition team and former World Wrestling Entertainment executive, as his Secretary of Education. McMahon served as Trump's Small Business Administration administrator during his first term and is currently the board chair of the America First Policy Institute, which has been described as a "White House in Waiting." McMahon would be tasked with overseeing Trump's campaign promise to significantly downsize the Department of Education and return many of its powers to the states.

Secretary of Energy

Andy Cross / Contributor | Getty Images

Trump picked Chris Wright, an oil and gas CEO, as his Secretary of Energy. Wright is an advocate for fossil fuels, having founded Liberty Energy, an oilfield service firm in Denver, Colorado. Wright is opposed to the global warming alarmists and views fossil fuels as a means of providing cheap, reliable energy that can raise people from poverty.

Secretary of Health and Human Services

Michael M. Santiago / Staff | Getty Images

The Department of Health and Human Services is in charge of protecting the health of Americans, a task that spans from food safety to disease outbreaks. Organizations that fall under the HHS's umbrella include the NIH, FDA, and CDC.

Trump has tapped RKF Jr. to be his Secretary of Health and Human Services. Kennedy Jr. has infused Trump's entire campaign with a raised awareness of the failing health of many Americans and the systemic incompetency of the federal agencies tasked with protecting them. RFK Jr. has made it his mission to "Make America Healthy Again," a task that requires a fundamental shake-up of American food and medicine. This sort of approach has left many skeptics concerned that Kennedy Jr. will go too far too fast, leaving many to question if he has the support to be confirmed by the Senate.

Secretary of Homeland Security

JIM WATSON / Contributor | Getty Images

Trump tapped South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem to be his Secretary of Homeland Security. Noem has been a strong advocate for a secure border, which seems to be her primary area of concern. Along with Trump's new "Border Czar," Tom Homan, Noem is expected to come down hard on the southern border. The Department of Homeland Security has a broad assignment that includes protecting Americans and critical American infrastructure from foreign and domestic threats, protecting our borders, responding to natural disasters, and more.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development

Chip Somodevilla / Staff | Getty Images

Trump picked former NFL player turned politician Scott Turner as Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, an office responsible for policies and programs that address housing needs, promote community development, and enforce housing laws. Turner worked under Republican Congressman Duncan Hunter before being elected to the Texas House in 2013, and he also ran Trump's White House Opportunity and Revitalization Council during his first term.

Secretary of the Interior

Steven Ferdman / Contributor | Getty Images

Trump's pick for the Secretary of the Interior is North Dakota Governor, Doug Burgum. The Department of the Interior is America's primary conservation agency, protecting America's natural resources and managing the National Parks. Gov. Burgum has tremendous experience managing North Dakota's oil-rich reserves and Native American populations, both key aspects of The Department of the Interior. Burgam is also known for his harsh criticism of federal oversight and is expected to aid Trump in slashing regulations.

Attorney General

Andrew Harnik / Staff | Getty Images


Trump tapped Pam Bondi to lead his Department of Justice as the Attorney General of the United States. This comes after his first pick, Matt Gaetz, withdrew his name after facing an upstream confirmation battle due to a flurry of allegations. Bondi has a long track record as a prosecutor and a former attorney general in Florida and worked with Trump's team of defense lawyers fighting back against the impeachment charges levied against him. As Attorney General, if confirmed, Boni will play a key role in Trump's campaign promise to crack down on systemic corruption in the federal bureaucracy.

Secretary of Labor

Bill Clark / Contributor | Getty Images


Trump named Republican Representative Lori Chavez-DeRemer as his Secretary of Labor. Despite being a Republican, Chaves-DeRemer's pro-union stance has many conservatives on high alert. If confirmed, Chavez-DeRemer will oversee federal programs aimed at protecting and bolstering the American workforce.

Secretary of State

Chip Somodevilla / Staff | Getty Images

Trump picked Florida Senator Marco Rubio as his Secretary of State. Rubio, who famously ran against Trump in the 2016 Republican primaries, has been a longtime spokesperson about the threats posed by foreign adversaries, predominantly China.

Secretary of Transportation

Mark Wilson / Staff | Getty Images

Trump named former Wisconsin representative Sean Duffy as his next Secretary of Transportation. Both Rep. Duffy and his wife Rachel Campos-Duffy are hosts on Fox. A staunch pro-Trump advocate, Duffy will take over the Department of Transportation in the aftermath of Pete Buttiegeg's biggest failures during his term, such as his response—or lack thereof—to the East Palestine train derailment, in-flight incidents on Boeing aircraft, and much more. Moreover, traffic deaths and accidents are high, and the introduction of new technologies like self-driving cars and the increase of electric vehicles poses never-before-seen challenges Duffy will have to tackle.

Secretary of the Treasury

DOMINIC GWINN / Contributor | Getty Images

Trump tapped billionaire Scott Bessent to be his Secretary of the Treasury. Scott will face tremendous challenges coming into office, as he will oversee the massive tax cuts promised by Trump and his team. He will also advise the president on how to implement the tariffs against Canada, Mexico, and China that Trump has promised in recent weeks.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs

Alex Wong / Staff | Getty Images

Former congressman Doug Collins was tapped to lead Trump's Department of Veterans Affairs, which is responsible for taking care of our veterans and their families. This includes offering benefits such as pensions, education, disability compensation, loans, and much more. Collins is a veteran himself who served in Iraq and is still an Air Force Reserve chaplain, which gives him valuable insight into the needs of veterans.

Trump's TOP FIVE accomplishments BEFORE taking office

Win McNamee / Staff | Getty Images

Donald Trump hasn't even begun his second term, and he is already making major moves that eclipse the Biden administration. Here are Trump's top FIVE most impressive feats that he has achieved before taking office:

Stock market surge

Roberto Machado Noa / Contributor | Getty Images

Immediately after the election, all major indexes skyrocketed. Trump's election bolstered confidence in the long-term stability of the U.S. economy. Just a few days after November 5th, Glenn had financial expert Carol Roth on his show to discuss what this actually means for America, and long story short, the forecast was very optimistic. America has another chance at a golden era, especially for small businesses.

Bitcoin boom

Bitcoin experienced its own surge in the immediate aftermath of Trump's re-election, breaching the $100,000 valuation for the first time in the digital currency's history and doubling in value from the beginning of the year. The rise is attributed to Trump's favorable stance towards cryptocurrencies and strong opposition to the idea of a "Fed Coin," a cryptocurrency made by the Federal Reserve. This ensures people can purchase Bitcoin and other cryptos without the government swooping in and shutting it down.

Media comes to heel

Paula Lobo / Contributor | Getty Images

In a shocking twist of events, even some of the mainstream media pivoted, agreeing to meet with President Trump and making future plans for cooperation with the President.

Just a few weeks after Trump's historic victory, Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski, the hosts of MSNBC’s “Morning Joe,” made a trip to Mar-a-Lago to make peace with the president-elect. This comes after years of the duo bashing Trump as a dictator and a fascist.

Naturally, the dramatic shift was met with whiplash from "Morning Joe's" viewer base, and the couple lost half of their audience within a week. Either Scarborough and Brzezinski were lying about Trump, or they decided to bend the knee to "literally Hitler." Either way, their credibility pretty much went out the window.

Dealings with Trudeau

ANDREJ IVANOV / Contributor | Getty Images

Last week, Trump announced that he would impose a massive 25 percent tariff on all goods from Canada and Mexico unless they agree to crack down on their contribution to the migrant and fentanyl crisis plaguing the U.S. This grabbed the attention of Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau, as 75 percent of Canadian exports go to the U.S. Trudeau made an unplanned visit to Mar-a-Lago to discuss this proposed tariff. Later Trudeau commented that he had "an excellent conversation" with Trump.

Defeated phony charges

Jeff J Mitchell / Staff | Getty Images

After his re-election, all of the federal criminal charges remaining against Trump were dropped, concluding the years of assault from the Biden Department of Justice. This is due to the Department of Justice's longstanding precedent of not prosecuting a sitting president.